Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
