Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So many bounce houses so little time
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My vagina is very pro this idea
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