i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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