If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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