Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
