If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
