can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
