I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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