I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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