There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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