Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
