I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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