I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
