I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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