your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
