It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
