He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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