i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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