it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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