I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
