The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
