Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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