Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
