he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
