i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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