did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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