Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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