Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
