went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
