I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
