oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
