I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
