You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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