I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
