So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
