i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
