I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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