She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My vagina is officially offended.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
