ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
