I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
