so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
