sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
