It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
