how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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