the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize