pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
