Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
