dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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