My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
