omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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