I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
